Motherhood Burnout - 10 reasons we get there!
Dr Alison Young - Chiropractor @ Innate Chiropractic Gladstone.
This is adapted from an article by one of my mentors Brandi MacDonald. I love this concept of the 10 things cycle around health parameters. I hope this helps some of you to reassess and possibly change a few things up to prevent burnout.
We hear it a lot from Mums, as much as they say how passionate they are about being a mum, It's often confusing because they're also burnt out. They are on a mission to be the best mum they can be and they're just working themselves into the floor. Today burnout is synonymous with dis-harmonies, perhaps a diagnosable disease hasn't occurred yet but loss of health is evident: fatigue; low threshold for stress; personality changes; brain chemistry changes; weight gain or rapid loss; tissue breakdowns over time; chronic black circles under the eyes; hair loss; skin responses to hormonal changes etc etc. And even in chiropractic we seek to fix those symptoms versus healing who we are, and allowing a more thorough improvement in health, from the inside out.
Here are the top reasons for burnout.
Boiled Frog Syndrome.
Early on we tolerate low level behaviour from ourselves that seem minor. We are driven in service to our family, we are driven to have a certain mothering experience, we have a constant business (the slow warming of the pot), which eventually becomes a pot of boiling water that we cannot escape from.
Misalignment with your Actions.
You behave in ways that don't support how you want to parent, who you want to be as a person, and convince yourself that it's okay just this one time. You do it for a small period of time, then it continuously bleeds your energy and then that energy is needed for health.
We are a highly charged, emotional, being … the being of a Mother. Validation is the hardest desire to fulfill. Do we get it from the hugs from our children? Do we get it from ourselves? Do we get it from our spouse/partner? Do we need external validation? Are we constantly doing “all of the things”, chasing validation as the end point. Chasing that feeling can create a roundabout of failure and lack of fulfilment.
We don't know how to Care for our Mind.
Often doing the right things doesn't equal healing. So we work out, we eat the right things, we get adjusted at the chiropractor, we take all the supplements. Sleep is going to be interrupted, because we're a parent, but these things should help to sustain us throughout the day. But we're still feeling disconnected from our families, unhappy and unfulfilled. Because the way we view the world, our belief system around what motherhood should look and feel like, the way we view what is happening, is distorted. You can't out behave, or adjust a distorted mind or belief system. We need to address this in our mind, and look at our core beliefs of motherhood.
Unrealistic Expectations about People or Events.
We simply don't control what we have been led to believe we do. But many spend their lives seeking to control, and chasing that illusion and never succeeding. This is really exhausting, and is creating the desperation and frustration’s of motherhood. The expectations placed on us by Instagram feeds, and by other people only showing us the good side tells us that we should things a certain way. People are shouding all over our motherhood experience, and it's unrealistic. It’s creating a horror of expectation …. and minimal reality is really affecting our psych.
Lack of Self-Care.
The opposite of four, where we stopped doing all the things that look after ourselves. We stopped properly eating, we stopped working out, we stopped food planning and the sloth behavior kicks in. And it's a new reality, not looking after ourselves. And then it just continues.
Entropy! Life is simply simple Entropic.
If we don't acknowledge this, we then don't seek a higher awareness to seek constant improvement. When you realize, anything left alone will break down, as it's a universal law, you don't leave yourself alone. But as moms we don't often have time or perceive we don't have the time to continue to seek constant improvement. Seeking constant improvement doesn't have to be hard work, fatiguing or tiring. But if we don't, we will die a little bit more on the inside, because that is what happens that's the law of life.
Lack of Personal Responsibility.
When you view the world as something is happening to you, versus for or because of you, your life and family become a predator and you become a victim. Victims are helpless and hopeless. If this is your truth, it's not long before you feel victimized. We can feel victimized as mums. When we don’t get the support that we want, that we feel we need, then we feel that we’re failing. That we feel that we're not standing up to the ideals of what we should do, because of our support networks not stepping in. But have you actually asked for help. Are you actually able to acknowledge that maybe all these things are happening to you because it hasn’t been set up correctly the first place.
Relationships and environments control you're emotions, you don't. When emotions control us, our physiology responds accordingly and breaks down to give us more energy. Then we keep depleting that energy in situations and/or with people who continue to bleed us dry energetically (energy vampires)! We then hit repeat until this becomes our normal.
Your Environment or Habits Never Change.
Sometimes you need to mix it up externally to create an internal mix up. When we never leave our environment, never change up our routines or habits, we become a frog in water. And this takes us back to number one … and the cascade continues.
We know burnout is real.
We know we see it every day in our lives. Mums that we know and love, are burnt out in this journey that should be joyful, because they're not giving the time, energy or effort to experience the love side of mothering. They're trying to do all the things, instead of just being in the journey and the process.
And you know what, sometimes we can't do all the things. And it's okay to have days where we don't do all the things. Survival is really important, and looking after you, because you can't look after your family if you don't look after yourself. It's not selfish to look after yourself at all. Not even a little bit. It's a great time now to acknowledge that. It's time to do the work.